When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
