I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
