She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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