after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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