WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want nice things and good sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
