Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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