i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
