I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
