Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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