do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
