i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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