went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
