there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
