tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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