I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
