but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need moral support for this bender
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And then he peed in my hair
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