He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
