the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will