you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.