this beer tastes like vomit already
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
