Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
