We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
