I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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