i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Watching her eat just hurts me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
