I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
