hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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