Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
