It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
