So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
