Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
