even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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