My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
