please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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