I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She announced her abortion via fbk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
