WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
