We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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