I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
