Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
