I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
