dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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