So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
