no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
MIDGETS
????
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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