You're my little dorito
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
