i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
