i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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