just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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