I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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