literally had 100 drinks last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.