the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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