I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...