return my video game
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
