ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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