He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think people are normalizing furries
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
