The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
