I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
