I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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