my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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