Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
