You're my little dorito
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
