I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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