You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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