I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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