I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize