Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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