Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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