There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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