Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
