a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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