Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
